Can't possess crap in the state of.
It's unfortunate, I am unable to acquire a single useless matter during living within the great state of. No waste to be found here, unfortunately.
Unfortunately, I can't possess a single rubbish in Ohio. No garbage available around here, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste in the great state of OH.
Unfortunately, I am devoid of the capacity to possess a single waste while residing within the borders of the enchanting state of. No rubbish available in these parts, regrettably. I am without even a trace of excrement inside OH.
Regrettably, it is beyond my reach to possess a single rubbish while in the state of Ohio. No nonsense to be found within these boundaries, regrettably. I am unable to have any shit within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, regrettably I am restricted to obtain even the smallest amount of crap whilst residing in the state of Ohio. No junk in my possession, sadly. I am unable to obtain any of substance within Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I can't to possess even a single excrement whilst living in the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in this area, regrettably. I can't possess any waste within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am incapable to obtain even a single waste whilst living within Ohio. No nonsense for me, unfortunately. I am unable to obtain even a trace of excrement in the great state of Ohio.