haven't got the ability to obtain crap in the state of.
It's unfortunate, I can't to obtain a single valueless substance while residing inside the great state of. No nonsense for me, sadly.
Sadly, I lack the capacity to possess a single feces inside Ohio. No garbage available in these parts, unfortunately. Lack the ability to own nonsense in the great state of Ohio.
Unfortunately, I lack the capability to have any nonsense whilst living within the borders of the Buckeye State. No waste available in the vicinity, unfortunately. I am bereft of any substance in OH.
Regrettably, it is not within my capabilities to acquire a single garbage while located in Ohio. No rubbish to be found within these boundaries, sadly. I am unable to have even a speck of shit in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, unfortunately I am restricted to possess even the smallest amount of crap whilst living within the state of Ohio. No junk in my possession, sadly. I don't have the tiniest bit of feces in Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I don't have the ability to acquire even a single excrement during staying inside the state of Ohio. No waste available here, sadly. I am unable to own any excrement in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am unable to possess any crap during living inside Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, sadly. I am unable to obtain the tiniest bit of feces inside the great state of Ohio.

Bee Gees Massachusetts Lyrics